BONUS: No one escapes childhood without trauma
Trigger warning: I do bring up sexual assault from my infancy in this episode. And I VERY briefly touch on losing touch on losing my dad (another episode to come for that story)
And even tough I touch on this in the beginning, I want. To be VERY clear that I strongly believe NO ONE escapes childhood without some kind of trauma - it can be big T (assault, sudden loss, traumatic accident like a plane crash) or little T (emotional neglect/abuse, death of a pet, bullying, etc) or even just stories that we create in our heads about ourselves due to experiences, often from family or society.
I think in particular, the stories are the hardest to recognize until we’re older and can be blind spots for a LONG time until we finally see them ourselves, often after we start doing “the inner work” and/or hearing other’s stories and having a light bulb go off in their head. You know the person that you think is amazing, but you can tell they don’t feel that way about themselves and they have certain patterns & ways of thinking that, no matter what you say, don’t change and aren’t recognized? That’s their blind spot. We all have them. And they often come from the stories we tell about ourselves in our heads. “I’m not enough,” “I’m not worthy of love,” “I wont be accepted if I’m [insert thing here],” etc. One thing is for sure: others will see them FAR before we are willing to see and admit them.
These blind spots/stories can turn into self-sabotaging behaviors like pushing people away, holding people to unrealistic standards so you can “be right” about not being accepted, or something as “silly” as not really accepting compliments, cutting reps in a workout, and general defiance towards others so that you can “be right” in your story that you’re “not a good person.” (Ok, that last example might be some ways mine used to show up! And they are the behaviors that now tip me off that there’s something internal I need to address.)
I talk a lot in this episode about my mother. I want to make this very clear: She is hands down the strongest, smartest, hardest working person I know. And she has SUCH a big heart that, honestly, most people don’t really get to see because she keeps it so guarded (a blind spot of hers). She was a WONDERFUL mother and loved myself and my little brother. Everything she did was well intentioned.
But like I said, no one escapes childhood without stories. And while as an adult I can recognize that societal conditioning and generational trauma is behind a lot of my stories, as a kid, you don’t recognize that stuff. I just knew that I wanted to be loved and accepted by my mother and feel safe - and I didn’t feel like I had that due to (1) traumatic events (2) my parents not speaking or recognizing my love language (3) zero emotional support (again, well intentioned but still added to everything) and (4) certain things that I think everyone, particularly females, in my generation grew up hearing from our parents that we now recognize was societal pressure: “Don’t be too loud” “Be perfect in order to be accepted” “Be proper and polite” etc…
I know if my mom listens to this episode, I’m gonna get another phone call…I got one when I announced Human On The Daley saying “You better not talk about me on this podcast” and ironically enough, as soon as I heard her say this, I knew I needed to create this episode. I love her SO much and NOW we say “I love you” to each other (I had that uncomfortable convo with her after Dad died, and she’s said it regularly since and I’m so grateful)…but in that moment I felt the instinct that there are people out there that need to hear my stories in order to start to uncover their blind spots and stories - and only then can you really start doing “the work”
Much love y’all.
Megan
RESOURCES:
Glo, travel and love influencer who’s podcast I reference: Instagram.com/glographics
The Body Keeps The Score - I honestly think everyone should read this book. Particularly if you work in healthcare or education, but honestly, everyone: https://amzn.to/3N8H8Ol (this book is also a great one to get a peek into various therapy modalities and when which helps best)
How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole LePera: https://amzn.to/3IDNgeH
Dr LePera’s membership IG is a great resource as well: https://instagram.com/selfhealers.circle
Therapy:
https://www.mycologypsychology.com/
Specific to BIPOC: https://therapyforblackgirls.com/podcast/
Please note these are just a TOUCH on some amazing resources.
Also, as a medical provider myself, I feel the need to add this disclaimer: NONE of this is medical advice. These are simply my stories, my experiences, and some things I’ve found that have worked for myself and/or others.
